Self revelation

I just discovered something about myself after reflecting upon the events of today's class. It's so funny because its now so obvious to me after looking back at almost every public speaking I've ever done. I dispel my nervousness at being in front of people by making them laugh. Likewise I obtain greater confidence as I am able to make people laugh.

This morning, after a combination of coming in late, not hearing the instructions for an exercise, but having to participate first before seeing anyone else participate, I did things I thought would make people laugh (the Carson gold swing, etc.). I did it again (by calling the exercise "good ghost training") during the second time just because I felt very nervous with everyone quietly staring at me.

I can think back to every sermon, story and other public speaking I've ever had to do and I've always tried to be funny just to feel more comfortable in front of an audience. If I can make you laugh, I feel, I can be more comfortable and, maybe, you will be more willing to hear me.

This is interesting to me because I've never thought of myself as a comedian or a "funny person." Most of the stuff I say that makes people laugh just comes to me in the moment, but I also don't consider myself very witty. I consider myself pretty slow-witted (sometimes driving Aimee crazy waiting for me to respond to a simple question). I wonder if this came from what was certainly my very first public speaking at least in my memory, a speech I had to give on Abraham Lincoln in elementary school. My dad had counseled me to make a joke like, "Abraham Lincoln was so tall he'd probably be a star basketball player if he lived in our time," because jokes help to break the ice.

The unfortunate offshoot of this is that I tend to clam up if my jokes are not received well. The worst such experience for me happened in a class. Barrack Obama had just been reelected (which many in my strongly conservative school considered a very bad thing) and the day the news hit we had our class. Our teacher was going on about how she didn't want people to talk smack about Obama because he wasn't evil, etc.  Then I suddenly (and surprisingly even to myself) blurted out, "but he is the Antichrist!" Believe it or not this is actually a well-held belief among some people I know, Obama or the Pope, take your pick.

This teacher railed on me for the joke in front of the entire class. And I clammed up. I didn't participate at all during the rest of the class, which was almost eight hours long. (It was a distance course for folks who have full time jobs and live out of town so they only had to travel one day a month but for the full day, and the discussion took place at the very beginning.)

So there's the long and short of my sudden existential self-discovery, for better or for worse.